Not Enough Memories
by iheartcsinewyork
Summary: Don remembers Jess after she dies. Established Don/Jess. Rating for some language. Please Read and Review.


_**Hey y'all! This is my attempt at some Flack and Angell. I'm writing it as 5x25 happened, minus the scene at the end, with the shooting in the bar. I'm terribly nervous about how this is going to turn out so please be kind in your reviews, meaning that you would leave one! ;) **_

_**Many thanks to Laura and Endy for their help and letting me bounce ideas off of them. Thanks girls! Y'all rock! **_

Don took another swig of beer, trying to numb the pain that was coursing through his body. He quickly finished the dark liquid and set the bottle down on the table, next to the other empty ones. He tightened his fists as he tried to stop the tears that ran down his cheeks. Worse than the tears were the memories that wouldn't leave him alone.

They weren't bad memories. They were actually quite good. He just couldn't stand to think of Jess right now. His heart hurt too much, the pain of losing her was too fresh, the wound too raw, and the grief too immense.

His phone rang again and he resisted the urge to chuck it across the room and feel the satisfaction of watching it shatter into a hundred tiny pieces. Just like his heart.

Don hit the power button and tossed the phone across the room, trying his hardest to ignore the picture that had just flashed up on the closing screen. Jess had set it as a picture of the two of them, smiling and laughing together, something that Don knew was never going to happen again.

He leaned his head back against the couch cushion and let the memories overwhelm him.

"_Messer, give it a rest. We've been here for 2 hours, let's just call it quits and head home. I'm on early tomorrow."_

_Danny shook his head, "Nah, I wanna find a babe."_

"_What 'bout Lindsay?"_

_Danny's cheeks darkened, "What about her?"_

"_I dunno. Weren't ya like, together or sumthin'?"_

"_Not really. She nipped that in the bud."_

"_Sorry to hear that man."_

"_Ah, forget about it. Now, let's find some chicks."_

_Don scanned the dark bar, hoping to find someone for Danny so he could go home and get to bed. His eyes stopped on someone that he had never seen before, which was pretty unusual considering he and Danny stopped by Sullivan's pretty often. He almost pointed the woman out to Danny, but stopped himself. She didn't look like the type of girl that Danny would go for. Besides, his friend was busy chatting up a busty blonde woman._

_Don signaled to Danny that he was going to head out, and hopefully get a better look at the brunette that had captured his attention. Danny waved and quickly shifted his attention back to the woman that was in front of him._

_Shaking his head, Don headed over towards the bar where the woman was sitting, by herself. The thought that she was meeting someone flashed across his mind, but he quickly dismissed it, choosing to stay positive instead._

_He had almost reached the beautiful woman when the owner/bartender grabbed his attention and waved him down towards the other end of the bar._

"_Whatcha need Geno?"_

_The older Italian man glared at Don, "I've seen you looking at my girl down there."_

_Don almost gasped, but managed to keep his cool, "What?"_

_Geno chuckled, "The brunette down at the end."_

_Don's brain was still a couple steps behind, "Your girl?"_

"_If you hurt her, I'll kill you. I've known her pops since we were 7. I've watched her grow into a woman. She's the daughter I never got to have. I swear Don, if you hurt her, I'll kill you."_

_Understanding dawned on Don's face and he gave the older man a smile, "Geno. We've never met. I think it's a little early to be threatening me."_

_Geno shook his head, "Keep it in the back of yer mind. I gotta get back to work."_

_Don nodded his thanks and refocused his mind back to the beauty at the end of the bar._

_He slipped onto the seat next to hers, waiting for her to notice his presence. When she finally turned he smiled at her, hoping to charm her. She smiled back and Don was captivated by the molten chocolate color that was her eyes. He registered that she had said something, but had no idea what it was._

"_I'm sorry, what?"_

"_I said, hi."_

_Don grinned sheepishly, "Hi."_

_The brunette smirked, "Hi back."_

"_I'm Flack. Don Flack."_

_The woman's eyebrows rose, "Angell. Jess Angell."_

Fresh tears ran down Don's cheeks, soaking his shirt in abundance. The day that they had met had been over 3 years ago, and it still felt like it had only been yesterday. Leaning his head back against the couch again, Don was startled by the sound of his landline phone ringing. He ran over to the phone and yanked the cord out of the wall, effectively silencing the annoying sound.

He sat back down on the couch and once again the memories washed over him in tidal wave of emotions.

"_Don! Put me down! Put me down!" Jess squealed as Don twirled her around in the air. _

"_Not until you admit I'm better than you are." Don laughed._

"_Never. I'll never admit defeat."_

"_Well, I guess you're stuck up in the air for life."_

_Jess huffed out an annoyed breath, which caused Don to shift her position precariously and she screamed, "Fine, fine. You're better than I am."_

_Don gently set Jess down and winced as she slapped him across the back of the head. "Ow! What was that for?"_

_Jess glared, "You really had to ask?"_

_Don grinned impishly, "Nah, you're just cute when you're mad." _

_Jess glared again, "Really Don? Is that the smartest thing to say right now?"_

_Don looked thoughtful and then grinned, "Probably not, but you still love me."_

_Jess looked up at Don with wide eyes, "Love?"_

_Don tried backpedaling, "Well, uh… I mean that, I just meant that since you were…and I was… and you said…" _

_Jess silenced him with a finger on his lips, "I love you too, Don."_

_A smile broke across his face, "Really?"_

_Jess rolled her eyes, "Nope, I was actually just screwing with you."_

_Now it was Don that rolled his eyes, "I love you, Jess."_

_Jess smiled, "I know. Now shut up and kiss me."_

"_No objections on my end."_

Don smiled through the tears; remember how foolish he had felt during his 'Adam-like' ramblings. Jess had certainly surprised him with her reaction. She had told him early on that she rarely gave her heart away. She had said that it had been broken too many times and she didn't know if she could keep fixing it if that happened again.

Don had vowed that he would never hurt her, but he hadn't managed to keep that promise.

"_Jess, c'mon. You're being unreasonable. I told you that I was sorry."_

"_Unreasonable? Don, I waited for 2 hours for you to show up." _

"_So you said." Don mumbled._

"_What was that?" Jess yelled._

"_It was nothing."_

"_Don! Am I talking to myself here? Why the hell do you have a cell phone if you don't know how to fucking use it?"_

"_Dammit woman, calm down. I do know how to use it; I just didn't use it to call you."_

"_No shit, I caught that part." Jess glared up at the tall detective._

_Don ran a hand through his short hair, "Why the fuck is this bothering you so much?"_

_Jess looked up at him and Don was shocked to see tears in her eyes, "Jess?"_

_Shaking her head, Jess stalked out of the room, leaving Don standing there confused. Letting out a loud sigh, Don thought about following her, but decided to let her cool off. He headed into the kitchen and opened the door to grab a beer. _

_Slamming the door shut helped relieve some of his stress, but the calendar on the door caught his eye. Today's date was circled in bright red with little hearts drawn next to it. Don leaned in closer and his eyes widened as he saw what was written._

"_SHIT!" _

_Don slammed the beer back on the counter and rushed back to the bedroom. His heart twisted at the sight of Jess laying on the bed in her nice black dress. She looked like she was asleep, but Don knew better. When she slept, she always had her right hand tucked underneath her face._

_Don approached the bed and waited for Jess to notice his presence. Jess looked up and scowled at him, "Go away."_

_Don sighed, "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize."_

"_No shit Sherlock."_

"_Baby, I'm so sorry I forgot."_

_Jess rolled her eyes, "Has this past year meant anything to you at all?"_

_Don eyes widened, "You have to ask? Jess, this has honestly been one of the best years of my entire life. All because you've been in it."_

_Jess gave a slight smile, "Stop it. I'm trying to stay mad at you."_

_Don frowned, "I really am sorry. I don't want to make excuses and I swear that's not what I'm doing, but it's just that our case today was really tough. A set of 6 year old triplets were murdered and I wanted nothing more than to wring the perp's neck. I'm really sorry sweetie."_

_Jess shook her head, "I understand, but it would be nice if you'd at least call me. I felt like an idiot sitting there alone."_

_Don nodded, "I will. I am so sorry. I'll do anything I can to make this up to you."_

_Jess grinned, "Anything?"_

_Don hesitated, but then nodded, "Anything."_

_Jess smiled, "You might regret saying that. I'm gonna make you pay."_

_Don smiled back, "Whatever it takes."_

_Jess leaned up and kissed Don softly on the lips. Don pulled away and his lips trailed kisses to her ear where he whispered the words she had been longing to hear all day. "Happy Anniversary, sweetheart."_

Don was startled out of the fog of memories by a knock on his door. He stood up and walked over to it. Looking through the peephole, he was puzzled when he didn't see anyone. Don cautiously opened the door, his hand automatically going to his hip, only grabbing air.

He didn't see anyone in the hallway, but a box sat in front of the door. He picked it up and shut the door quickly behind him. Sitting back down on the couch, Don carefully opened the box and nearly laughed when he realized what it was.

Stella had dropped off a massive amount of Chinese food, correctly assuming that Don had been too exhausted to even think about food. Don silently thanked her for her thoughtfulness and began to eat like a starved man.

He put what he hadn't eaten in the fridge and nearly broke down when he saw the calendar on the door. He quickly shut the door to the refrigerator and hustled back into the living room.

Sitting back down on the couch, Don turned the T.V. on, hoping to find something to distract himself. The first channel that popped up was a news broadcasting channel. A picture of Jess flashed on the screen and Don's heart clenched in pain. Quickly shutting the T.V. off he tossed the remote across the room, feeling satisfied at the sound of it shattering.

He laid down on the couch and buried his head in his arms, trying to run away from everything. His head was racing and his mind was running 100 miles an hour. Finally, he gave up trying to silence it and gave into the memories that flooded his brain.

_Jess paced back and forth in front of Don, making him dizzy. _

"_I can't do this Don. I'm not good with parents." Jess was frantic, trying in vain to get out of the critical 'meet the parents' lunch._

"_Jess, they are gonna love you. I know I do." Don smiled, trying to reassure her._

"_How do you know they will Don?"_

"_Because you're smart, funny, cute and a great girl. I guarantee they will love you, Jess. You've got nothing to worry about."_

_Jess started to say something else, but Don silenced her with a finger on her lips. "Let's go. We don't wanna be late."_

_Jess sprung into action, horrified at the thought of being late to meet Don's parents. _

_Don chuckled at her antics and received an immediate glare for it. He stopped laughing and Jess gave a quick nod in his direction._

_Five hectic minutes later Jess was ready, or as ready as she was ever going to be. The couple left the apartment and hailed a cab that took them to a restaurant that Don's parents had chosen. _

_Don held the door open for Jess and Jess nervously glanced around, her trained eyes quickly scanning for his parents._

_Not seeing them, Jess sighed in relief until she heard the door chime and Don's rugged voice proclaiming, "Ma, Pop, it's good to see you."_

_Jess turned around and tried to smile, but everything seemed to be caught in her throat. Don's mother immediately enveloped her in a hug and Jess felt herself relax instantly. _

_Pulling back the older woman smiled, "I'm Louese Flack. It's a pleasure to meet you. Don's mentioned such fantastic things about you."_

_Jess glanced over at Don and smiled at his reddened cheeks. Don's father then stepped forward and extended his hand to Jess. Jess took it and shook it, trying not to cower in fear of the man who easily cleared 6' 3". _

"_I'm Don Sr. you can call me Senior to keep the confusion to a minimum."_

_Jess nodded, "It's nice to meet you."_

_Don Sr. nodded, "You as well. Now, let's eat, I'm starved."_

_The four of them talked for well over 3 hours until a yawn slipped out of Louese's mouth. Don Sr. noticed and wrapped around his wife. _

"_It was good to see you again Donnie, and Jess it was fantastic to meet you, but Louese and I are both tired and oughta be getting home."_

_They all stood up and exchanged hugs and soon Jess and Don were wandering around Central Park enjoying their rare afternoon off._

_Don had his arm wrapped around Jess's waist and she leaned against him. He looked down at her and caught her gaze, "I told you that you'd have nothing to worry about."_

_Jess smiled, "You did. I'm so glad that it went well."_

"_Sweetheart, it went better than well. My mom absolutely adores you, she's gonna have my balls if I don't marry you."_

_Jess stilled, "Is this you proposing?"_

_Don froze, "I…. uh… no… I was gonna…oh shit."_

_Jess smirked, "Calm down, Don. I was kinda teasing; we both know we aren't ready for marriage." _

_Don's face relaxed, "That's true. Sorry, I have a tendency to put my big foot in my even bigger mouth."_

_Jess patted his cheek, "I know, honey, I know."_

_Don mock glared, "Hey now."_

"_I'm just teasing, you know I love you."_

_Don grinned goofily, "You mind showing me how much?"_

_Jess smiled back before leaning up and softly pressing her mouth to Don's. She tilted her head and took the kiss deeper, making Don wrap his arms around her tighter and groan into her mouth._

_They only pulled away from each other when they heard a familiar Staten Island accent, "Sheesh, you guys are gonna get arrested for indecent exposure if ya ain't careful."_

_Don glared at Danny "Put a sock in it Messer. What the hell you doin' here anyways."_

_Danny held up his silver kit and muttered, "Damn people keep dying."_

_Both Don and Jess laughed, glad that they weren't in his position. _

_Jess smiled, "Well, you have fun. Don and I are gonna get out of here and go home."_

_Danny's eyes glittered and he started to say something but was cut off by Lindsay coming up behind him, "Danny, whatever stupid thing you're about to say - don't. It'll save us all having to yell at you for stupidity."_

_Danny pouted and Lindsay laughed, "Y'all get out of here before Mac catches you and ropes you into working on your day off. Bye guys."_

_Jess and Don quickly said goodbye and headed off in the opposite direction. Jess whistled for a cab and Don rolled his eyes as multiple cabs stopped, they climbed into the closest one and gave the cabbie the address. _

_Leaning against Don, Jess sighed, glad that the day's major event had gone well._

_Don stroked his hand through her hair and smiled. "You watchin' the Rangers game with me tonight?"_

_Jess nodded, "There's no place I'd rather be."_

Don shook himself and nearly smiled at the rest of that memory. The Rangers had gotten beat by the Penguins 8-2. Jess had laughed at him the entire time, his outrage showing through quite clearly.

Don leaned his head back against the arm of the couch. His tears were dried up and while he was still aching terribly from the loss, he felt somewhat at peace. Despite all of the 'It's going to be okay's' through the day, Don knew that he was a long way from being 'okay.'

The truth was, he was never going to be okay. He had lost his best friend, his true love, his whole world and the worst part was that he was afraid he was going to forget her. He was afraid that someone else would move in and try to take her place, afraid that she would be forgotten by others around him, afraid that her memory wouldn't be kept alive.

No matter how hard things were now, he knew that things would get easier. Yet still, one thing got to him, one thing that he could have changed had he spent more time with her… there would never be enough memories.

_**Thanks for reading y'all! I hope that you enjoyed my attempt at some Flack and Angell. RIP.**_

_**Please review and be nice, I'm really nervous about posting this pairing. Thanks! iheartcsinewyork**_

_**Reviews = *hugs from Danny, Flack, Mac, Hawkes and ADAM!!!!***_


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